A Change of Pace
I’ve been notably absent from the blogging scene, but not absent from the hunger strike. Thanksgiving break rolled around and gave me a chance to sleep ten hours a day, watch endless episodes of CSI, and beat New Super Mario World for the Wii on cooperative mode with my friends. It also brought me into close contact with an adopted second-mother who insisted I drink juice and/or broth.
So, I did, and felt extraordinarily guilty. Cranberry-acai juice tastes like heaven after weeks without flavor. But it’s true. I can no longer be considered a water-only faster. Please don’t think my heart or passion has been displaced by this lapse.
During break one day, my friends and I wandered around Borders, idly picking up eye-catching books and listening to Owl City through huge headphones. But I wasn’t doing well. My stomach roared ferociously, seizing my spine and raking the muscles in my back with angry fingers.
You don’t know what you’re doing to your kidneys, a severe motherly voice rolled about in my head like a mantra. I sat down on Starbucks chairs and stood back up. I walked around frantically, trying to shake away the tiny spasms in my back as anxiety darkened my thoughts. Kidneys. Kidneys. My kidneys are collapsing. Panic quickly had its hold on me. Sucking in breaths and blinking back tears, I searched for my friends so I wouldn’t be alone. We left shortly after and stopped by the grocery store.
“Will you at least drink some Vitamin water?” Colin asked me as we passed the sports drink aisle.
“Uhm…” I paused for a long time, focusing on the words I had to say. I feel like a failure. “I’ll drink some regular juice.” I wanted to cry, but no one was making me feel guilty. We checked out with the maroon juice and drove to a generic Chinese restaurant so they could pick up dinner.
“It will be 15-20 minutes,” said the man behind the counter, but I couldn’t wait to get home. My kidneys were collapsing! Desperate and still seized with panic, I walked out of the restaurant, tossed the water out of my Nalgene onto the dark parking lot pavement and poured in about a cup of juice. Gulping down all the cranberry goodness in one go, I felt immediately calmed. Later I found myself dry retching over the toilet; too much at once, I guess. And I didn’t need it…my mind was playing tricks. I feel like a failure.
Over the rest of break though, I took small two ounce glasses of juice a couple times throughout the day. On Thanksgiving, I ate hot vegetable broth from a bowl. The warm smell of stuffing and pecan pie was at times unbearable, but the broth still felt good in my gut. I vowed, “Water only!” once I get back on campus, away from this mother.
But a group of caring Hamilton students met me with a surprise on my first day back. “We’ll join you for a rolling fast, but you must agree to drink broth on your off days.” Overjoyed to have company, I consented. The more people who take a stand, the better. The broth only provides me with about 30-60 calories anyway, so the hunger is still pretty extreme. I’m hungry right now…today and tomorrow are my days on water only, and I miss the flavor.
Please know friends and readers, how dire the situation is. People are starving. I am starving. The longer we wait to take action, the closer death draws. We cannot be idle about climate change or justice for the poor. It is inhumane.
For now, I am hopeful. At the very least, Obama has heard the demand and is going to Copenhagen. It feels like a small victory.
Mikayla I know exactly what you’re going thru! I had promised myself that I would endure a water only diet but it was most difficult especially when I caught a bug sometime in between and had to take meds. Dipping tablets of chemicals in my stomach full of acid was just not a good idea at all. I had to get some sort of juice or soup in me as well. I believe you when you say that taking in soup and juice do not pose any detrimental reflection on your commitment to CJF. What’s important is your heart is in the right place. You can do it!
By Tara Almario, Manila, Philippines on Sat, 05/12/2009
Hi Mikayla,
I wanted to offer you some words of support and congratulations. You have done an extraordinary thing, that most people have never attempted, and your dedication is impressive. What is more, you have been working a full study load while fasting - to end your water fast and switch to juices is no shame.
All of us long-term water fasters appreciate your efforts so much, and we value your health as much as we value the health of all on this beautiful planet - so take care of it.
With love,
Anna K
By Anna K, Copenhagen on Sat, 05/12/2009
Dear Mikayla,
I am so inspired by your commitment. I saw you on the first day of the fast, Nov. 6th, and here it is so many weeks later. I am sure you are having a strong impact on the students, faculty and staff of your college even if you wish you had gotten more support from them up to this point.
I don’t think you are a failure at all. Most people who have a choice can’t imagine fasting for a day or two much less over a month. Including liquids other than water in your diet is STILL a great sacrifice because you are STILL not getting enough nutrition. You need to be sure to take care of your health if you are feeling badly.
Here in Bloomfield, Ted Glick wrote a very long article about the fast that appeared in the local paper. The Essex County Green Party is organizing a Dec. 12th vigil for a strong climate treaty in Copenhagen outside our post office which has a lot of traffic. We will hold up banners and give out flyers.
You and the other fasters are my heroes. I know there are many people in the U.S. and around the world that agree with me.
By Jane Califf, Bloomfield, New Jersey on Mon, 07/12/2009
I wandered around Borders, idly picking up eye-catching books and listening to Owl City through huge headphones. But I wasn’t doing well. My stomach roared ferociously, seizing my spine and raking the muscles in my back with angry fingers..Bridges To Recovery
By Bridges To Recovery, on Mon, 18/01/2010